March 25, 2018
9:54 pm
friendly dates
Dear Friend,
It’s the end of the week. I’m down to the last hundred of my weekly allowance. I also probably earned a few couple pounds since my visit to Coffee Bean, Orange Brutus, Larsian’s, etc. It’s true what they say, the best spice there is to food is good conversation.
There was an unprecedented, intense desire to start dating again… my closest friends. I facebook-messaged. I texted. And my parents were quick to kick me out of the house. I was exhibiting unshakable aloofness the past few months. And they were happy to see me rejoin society. Oddly enough, they didn’t set any curfews too.
Somehow there is sheer clarity when you are sitting across your favorite people. We could be talking about coffee vs. tablea hot chocolate, then I’d feel a significant amount of purpose in life. Some people, I’m sure I need to spend a certain amount of time to recover what I’ve lost to my doubts and worries. When I had the music on way too loud. When I wasn’t myself, or when I was too keen on staying exactly the same. But also, people are beyond-words beautiful too.
Dear friend, instead of calling in to say I miss you, I made myself available.
I met with D for coffee. I went on a drive with L, and we had take-out-fries and burgers. I had dinner with T & S. I hung out with my college bestfriends M & K, and we ate lots and lots of street food.
Each time I was about to meet them, I was riddled with guilt for having been a bad friend. I missed out on birthday parties, karaoke nights, and lots of laughing. I missed out on the celebrations. Most importantly, I wasn’t there for their heartache and pain too.
I didn’t know that D was going to switch college courses with one year left to graduate. He was miserable the last three years. D’s parents aren’t thrilled about it but he said he knows it’ll get better. His parents left money in an envelope one morning, and a note that it’s for the entrance exam for the bachelor program he has his heart set on.
L, the moment I sat in his passenger seat, were heart-eyes and ear to ear smiles. It’s hard to recognize how the somber voice that helped me record Prelude and My Two Left Feet (thanks, L!) could sound so bright and breezy. When I asked him why he was so happy, he took one long breath, and told me about his co-actor in a local theater production. They’ve been seeing each other for two months now. L said he’s an amazing singer, and apparently has the largest collection of Studio Ghibli merch he’s ever seen. I can’t wait to meet his boyfriend! I don’t know if I’m ready to third-wheel but I can’t wait to meet him. L asked if it was okay that he was gushing, considering my state of heart. I told him, and this is true, that I enjoyed seeing him gush. Because I’m always happy when my friend is happy. We talked about J too. Our conversation was sandwiched with afternoon daylight and midnight darkness.
T & S surprised me when I got to the restaurant. They had a Wanderer shirt from Wanderland and one of my most favorite chocolates on the table. I apologized profusely that I cancelled on our long and detailed plan to watch Kodaline. I remember, on that night, when T & S were fangirl-screaming at the euphoric talent in that space, I remember I was cleaning my room with the intense focus of decluttering my drawers and my mind. I ended up with three enormous trash bags my papa had to help me throw away. And a slightly heavier emotional baggage for the inability to throw away the box with all of J’s letters, pictures, and sentimental thingamajigs. Currently, T is trying to learn the ukulele. She brought it with her, and I showed her the chords for Balay ni Mayang. S vowed that when she one day succeeds in her business (that I’ll keep secret here because it could be life-altering!), she’ll be a patron of our art.
I see M & K nearly everyday at school but I haven’t been spending time with them at all after classes. They’re pretty updated with school canteen chitchat but I’m glad to finally hang-out outside campus grounds. We laughed over inside jokes. M showed us pictures of her hike to Osmeña Peak with her highschool classmates. The sunset was gorgeous. We swore K & I (I is me…hihi) would join M next time. With our second bottle of soda, we also cried over Cookie, K’s five-year-old-dog who had Parvo and slept soundly forever just last week. K misses him so much, especially when she would be at the door of her home and he wasn’t there to greet her anymore.
If I am meant to have people who are REMARKABLE, who inspire me, who have devoted so many of their years to supply me with self-belief, and sufficient knowledge on the best Netflix shows to watch – I am meant to be happy. I am meant for great company.
I told them I was so sorry. I know I was a bad friend. For not answering their calls. For ‘seenzoning’ them when they messaged me on facebook. For saying no to every invite, if I ever did reply. For cancelling, if I did say yes. For the extra mile they had to go to the past few months so we could see each other even for just a few hours. For visiting me at home with pizza or fast food. For taking me out on an evening ride. For reaching out when my whole world was my room. Wow. When I think about it all, I am humbled by love. My friends, every one of them, they said they understood. That I can take all the time I needed to heal. That they’re right here with me, rooting for me, always. I, of course, made sure they know how much I love them too.
I showed them blognook.com/girlwithabrokenstring. I open my whole heart again. Welcome to my blog, D, L, T, S, M, & K!
Tonight, when I think of the days that passed with those who look back at me with warmth, I mean to be the person who deserves them and makes the time not to miss them so much. I promise to be a better friend. And tonight, when I sit in this quiet, I am my best friend too.
Love,
Sam
March 25, 2018
10:35 pm
Mikaela13 asked:
SAMANTHA! READING IT ALL NOW!!! See you tomorrow. 😍
March 25, 2018
10:36 pm
🤗🤗🤗✨✨✨
March 25, 2018
11:54 pm
Luisvillar asked:
I love all the songs! 😭 😭 😭 I can’t get enough of them. Huhuhuhuhu. More pleassssssssssse. 🤯👏
March 26, 2018
6:47 pm
Lu, I promise I’ll write more. Huhuhuhu. Thank youuuuuuu.❤️🤗
March 26, 2018
2:19 pm
KitKath asked
You, magical hooman, you! You unicorn! 😍
March 26, 2018
6:49 pm
Love you, my gypsy friend! 🤗😘🌻